Little Thoughts: To a Distant Best Friend

I still remember the first time I ever heard your name, walking

down a school hallway lined with green and white linoleum tiles

and filled with the smell of chlorine and sweaty athletes

But I heard it in a way that made me think I wouldn’t like you

The sounds that form your name

came of this girl’s mouth, being thrown from her lips

with disgust and discomfort

and I knew I was supposed to stay away

 

That’s not what happened though. Maybe it’s because

I hate when people tell me how to behave and

I’m stubborn as hell but either way we started talking

over chemicals through the darkness developing pictures

and, in the process, a friendship

 

When my world was spinning out of control,

my heart was broken in two,

and I was starting to wonder if I’d ever find real friends,

you appeared.

 

We’d walk through those small hallways filled with obnoxious kids

pushing and shoving their way to class as one

Sitting on the wooden benches in the common areas discussing

everything and anything that came to mind

you made me feel not so alone anymore

 

We had our bench and our classes and our sayings

and the world seemed a little less lonely when I was a part of us

If I had known that night at the country music concert

with southern voices filling the night sky

and fireworks shooting above that was the last time we’d

talk in person, I would have danced forever

in that bleacher. Never wanting to get up from the red seats,

standing in the sweltering heat with sweat and love

running down my face

 

But it ended.

 

And now you are you and i am me. A distant memory of us is

memorialized forever in photos that occasionally pop

up on Facebook and when I’m scrolling through my photo feed

searching for a photo to Instagram.

 

All I hear about you are distant whispers from a society

and a place that never really understood you

and all I can do is hope that you are happy and loved and enjoying

life to the fullest. Your life fell apart and I wasn’t there.

And all that is left of us is a vacant apartment in Boston

with a lonely dog waiting for the owners to come and claim it

 

 

 

 

 

But no one is coming.

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