Little Thoughts: Defining Anxiety

It is panic

when you

a

l

m

o

s

t

miss the

next step

and think

you

are

about to fall to your

doom.

But you feel it every single damn day-even when you’re taking the

elevator.

 

Consistent success

and still being convinced that

this will

be the

moment

when

you

fall.

 

Insane fear

when you tip your chair a little

too far back and the next movement

will decide if you are going to

crash

burn

fall

on the

ground

or

go back to sitting up right

 

It is having the best time of your life

and suddenly feeling so

 

alone

 

and overwhelmed

and like you

can’t

b r  e    a     t      h       e

anymore

 

Choking.

Suffocating.

Black.

Spinning circle . . . which way is up?

which way is down?

 

It is vases of roses

smashing.

Splashes of red- – water, prickly stems, soft petals

f l  y   i    n     g

through the air.

Millions of p i e c e s

f r a g m e n t s —

tiny microcosms of a

living

breathing soul

spattered on the wall

for all to see.

Eyes trying to make sense of it all.

 

Voices stain the skin

“It’s all going to be okay.”

“We love you.”

“It’s just a phase.”

“Girl, you’re just stressed. This will blow over.”

“Why do you always over react? Just chill out. God. You’re too sensitive.”

Inner thoughts and outer words mix

creating

sputters of venom from the lips

judgement seeps into the soul

 

 

Suffocating,

Waiting,

Praying

for it all to stop

 

 

 

 

But like an alarm clock blaring at the first sight of

the sun rising in the sky- warm, bright, golden, glowing-

it won’t stop interrupting the–

no matter how many times you hit snooze

or wake up or become so exhausted you can’t think straight

the alarm clock must be reset

and the

anxiety

continues

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