It’s been days, months, a whole year, since I last saw your face.
And yet, I can’t forget you no matter how hard I try. The way you would say my name in that teasing way with a grin on your face. The way you would rub my shoulders when I was stressed, desperately trying to calm my anxiety as you knew that feeling and wanted to save me from it.
Secret is I wanted you to save me too.
The memories come in waves. Some days, weeks, months no images flash through my mind, saving me from the tears and pain that inevitably wrack my body. Other times, they come as a flash flood. First, they provide me with the necessary nutrients of happiness and fill me with a quiet nostalgia – longing but satisfied.
This never lasts. Soon, there is too much and my heart is back in pieces. Wondering what if will drive a person crazy and that is what you do to me.
Crazy to hold on, impossible to let go.
I’m not waiting but also not progressing. Stuck wishing for the past, satisfied with the present and hungry for the future is how you left me.
You left me.
And yet sometimes, sometimes I wonder if you think of me too.